Photo by altoarizona.com
I see your dreams clearly
reflected in mine whenever
sunlight parts the clouds...
still strong, undaunted
by our struggle to love
and live as we should.
And when the dark hours
allow us to blend into the night,
I feel you
jogging beside me,
resisting the winds that would
scatter our hopes,
unafraid of the journey
that shall one day set us free!
Yesterday is gone forever,
into the realms of what could have,
should have, or might have been.
Tomorrow is our faithful expectation
of God's continued grace.
But if we are to truly appreciate Today,
then we must accept it as a precious gift
called the Present.
And, whether this day brings sunshine
or rain, pleasure or pain,
we are blessed to share our
trials and our triumphs, our mountains,
and our molehills
with family.
Paul Howard Nicholas
Plowing through a mini tornado of dust and trash that suddenly engulfed the sidewalk, Jimmy "Blue” Waters clutched his collar, held his breath, and continued the four block trudge to his job.
His visions of freedom, while serving time in state prison for selling cocaine, had not included the harsh realities of life for a twenty-nine year old ex-con with a tenth grade education.
As he watched the morning rush of drivers whiz past him, protected from the whirling March winds inside their warm cars, Blue realized that, in many ways, he was no better off on the streets of Los Angeles than he’d been in state prison.
Trapped behind the walls of a subsistence job and a strict parole officer, Blue felt like he was still doing time. Even the bathroom he shared with an assortment of losers in the cheap rooming house reminded him of prison: dirty, broken mirrors reflecting fractured dreams.
And just as he’d often done in prison, Blue thought about putting together an escape plan.
The sudden appearance of a black-and-white patrol car next to him put his thoughts in check. Blue watched from the corner of his eye as the police car slowed enough to allow the two white officers inside to get a good look at him.
When the car finally sped away, Blue relaxed, feeling very much like a small fish that had been tossed back into a pond.
By the time he pushed through the double glass doors of Henry’s House of Bar-B-Que, Blue's sunshine mask was firmly in place. “Good morning, ladies,” he called out to his two co-workers.
“’Good morning, Blue,” they chimed.
Peggy, the matronly grandmother, was busy unloading and stacking the Styrofoam containers they would use to fill orders.
The young one, Mildred, loading receipt paper into the cash register, as always, gave Blue a big smile.
Blue smiled back, thinking about the possibilities with Mildred if she ever managed to lose thirty pounds.
“Mr. Henry said he needs to see you,” said Mildred.
Blue headed to the locker area, hung up his jacket and cap, and donned his butcher’s apron. “Did he say what he wants?”
“No, he didn’t. He just asked us to tell you to come to his office as soon as you got here.”
“Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out.” Blue finished tying his apron strings and headed for the small office in the back room. He knocked on the door and heard the familiar gruff voice invite him in.
Charlie Henry was the type of man Blue respected. In the thirty years since his arrival from Mississippi, the short, stocky owner of Henry’s House of Bar-B-Que and Henry’s Dry Cleaners had worked his way up from fry cook at a downtown hotel to successful business man.
“Morning, Mr. Henry. Mildred said you wanted to see me.”
“Good morning, Blue. Have a seat. I’ll be with you in a moment.”
Puffing on his ever present cigar, Charlie Henry punched a few more entries into the adding machine on his crowded desk. Apparently satisfied with the tally, he stretched and leaned back in his comfortable chair.
“Blue, I guess I should tell you that when we hired you six months ago, I had serious doubts about whether things would work out. After seeing so many guys get out of jail and go right back to acting a fool, I really didn’t think hiring you was such a good idea.”
Blue shifted uneasily in his chair.
“But I took a chance,” continued Charlie Henry. “And I’m glad I did. From day one you’ve proven to be a reliable worker. And you seem to have a special gift when it comes to dealing with people. My wife told me about how you handled those drunks in here the other day.”
“It wasn’t that big of a deal, Mr. Henry. I just did what I had to do.” Blue shifted again, trying to get a grip on what his boss was saying. He was unaccustomed to receiving praise.
“Well, I just wanted to say thanks for keeping things from getting out of hand,” said Charlie Henry. “But I didn’t call you in here to fill your ears with a lot of words and send you on your way. That wouldn’t do either of us much good.”
Charlie Henry clasped his hands together, propped his elbows on his desk, and looked straight into Blue's eyes. “Blue,” he said, “sometimes all a man needs to make something of himself is a chance. Nobody knows how many people there are in the world that are locked up, or wasting their brains on dope, that could have been successful if somebody had given them a real chance.”
Checking his watch, Charlie Henry cut his sermon short. “But, like I said, Blue, I didn’t call you in here just to give you a pat on the back. So, if you’re interested in a chance for advancement, and if you think you’d like to settle down and make a life for yourself, I’m prepared to offer you a promotion and a salary that would pay a lot more than the hourly wage you’re getting now.”
Blue leaned forward. “What kind of promotion are we talking about?”
“Well,” said Charlie Henry, “we’re going to be opening a new restaurant in the Crenshaw Center in a few months. And since we plan to move my office over there, I was thinking about giving you the job of helping Charlie Jr. run this place and our cleaners next door. I like the way you handle yourself, Blue, and I’m sure you’d make a great assistant manager if you put your mind to it.”
“Are you serious?” Blue couldn’t believe what he was hearing. After all these years, was somebody actually trying to give him a break?
Charlie Henry studied the man across from him carefully. “I’m serious,” he replied. “To start, you’d be in charge of the day shift, supervising the workers here and at the cleaners, ordering supplies, and making sure things run the way they should. I’ve talked to my wife and Charlie Jr. about this and we all feel that you’re the man for the job. But the bigger question is: do you think you’re ready to take on that kind of responsibility?”
The words came automatically. “Absolutely! When do I start?”
“Well, there’s one small hitch,” said Charlie Henry.
“Okay." Blue settled back in his chair.
“Before you start the job, I want you to attend a two week night class sponsored by the Small Business Administration at West View Community College. The course starts a week from today and, since you’re off tomorrow, you should be able to get over there and sign up."
“That’s cool with me,” said Blue.
“Good, good,” replied Charlie Henry. “I guess that settles it then.” The portly man leaned back in his large chair again, puffing his cigar. He was thoroughly satisfied with Blue’s responses and proud of his own ability to give another black man a chance to do something with his life.
Blue rose from his seat and extended his hand. “I sure do appreciate this, Mr. Henry.”
Charlie Henry leaned forward and grasped Blue’s hand. “This is only the beginning,” he said. “We’re going to open several new places in the next few years and, if everything works as planned, you’ll be the first in line to move up even more.”
The rest of the day breezed by as Blue thought about his sudden shower of good fortune. A new, more stable way of life was now within reach.
Blue had never really made it big in the hustling world, mainly because he wasn’t capable of the ruthless disregard for right and wrong it took to be successful in street life. His career, since running away from his last foster home at the age of fifteen, had run the gamut of illicit enterprises, including dope dealing, pimping, bunco, burglary; forgery, grand theft, and robbery.
And although he’d done well at times, he figured that when he counted all the money he’d spent on bondsmen and attorneys, and the years he’d wasted in and out of jail, his average income over the years was less than that of a person who had consistently worked a square job.
But now all of that was behind him. He would trade in his dreams of pulling off the ultimate big score for the reality of hard work and legitimate success. Eventually, he told himself, he would be able to use his new found knowledge to create his own financial empire, just like Charlie Henry.
And he would be able to show Shirley how stupid she was to leave him for a truck driver while he was in prison. Blue chuckled inside when he thought about the jolt of remorse that would shoot through her when she realized she’d missed out on a chance to share his success.
Shortly before quitting time, while turning a slab of ribs, Blue noticed Willie, one of the neighborhood kids, barreling through the front entrance.
Willie cleaned up around Henry’s after school and made deliveries to the poolrooms and taverns near Adams and Western. He was a ten year old hustler and an incorrigible prankster.
“Blue, I gotta show you somethin’, “Willie whispered, motioning for Blue to follow him.
“Can’t you see I’m busy,” replied Blue. He wasn’t about to fall for another one of Willie’s pranks.
But Willie was hope-to-die serious. Glancing up front to make sure Peggy and Mildred were busy, Willie partially unzipped his hoodie, revealing a rolled up paper bag tucked into his pants.
“Come on!” he said. “I gotta show you this!”
Blue reluctantly followed Willie to the storage closet behind the employee lockers. He flipped on the light while Willie hastily opened the paper bag.
Blue peered cautiously into the bag and almost choked when he saw the contents. Inside were four condoms, filled with white powder.
“Where did you get this?” Blue plucked one of the condoms from the bag and started untying the knot at the top.
“I was on my way home from school, over by the freeway,” said Willie. “And this car with two guys in it came speeding down the street. A cop car was chasing 'em. When they turned to get on the freeway ramp, one of the guys threw this bag out the window.”
“Did anybody see you pick it up?”
“Uh… I don’t think so.” Willie stammered.
“Are you sure, Willie? Were there any other kids with you?”
“No, I had to stay for detention. And when I got out, everybody was gone.”
”What about the cops? Did they see them throw the bag?”
Willie shook his head. "They were too far behind.” It was starting to dawn on the boy that maybe he'd gotten himself into something that was way over his head.
Blue finished opening the condom, poked his baby finger into the powder, and touched it to his tongue. “Damn!” he whispered, frowning from the bitter taste.
“What is it, Blue?”
Blue retied the condom and placed it back in the bag.
Okay, look, first of all, I want you to pay attention to what I’m about to say because the guys who had to get rid of this stuff are gonna be real mad when they come back lookin' for it and can’t find it.”
“Maybe I should put it back,” Willie blurted.
“I don’t think that would be too smart." said Blue. "The cops probably have that whole area staked out by now.”
“What is this stuff, Blue?”
“It’s dope, Willie, and it’s enough to get you locked up if the cops catch you with it, or killed if the wrong people find out you have it.”
“Aw, man…” Willie’s eyes were wide as silver dollars."What do you think we should do with it?”
“We got us a real serious situation here," Blue replied. "But it ain’t nothin’ we can’t handle.”
Blue rolled the paper bag back up and slid it into his waistband under his apron. “All you gotta do is keep your mouth shut and we’ll come out of this alright. I think we can make some money off of it after we let things cool down for a while. In the meantime, I’ll hide it, okay?”
Willie nodded, eager to be rid of the bag full of problems.
“But you’ve got to remember what I said.” Blue pressed his index finger against his lips. “Don’t tell anybody about this. If the wrong people find out, we both could end up dead or in jail!”
“Okay, Blue. Whatever you say.”
As soon as he left work, Blue stopped at a pay phone and called his cousin in Hollywood. Billy, Blue’s only relative in L.A. listened halfheartedly until he heard the magic words: “dope and money!”
“I’ll be right over,” said Billy. Like Blue, he was pretty much self-raised.
Sitting on the side of his bed, Billy put the .38 revolver back in the night stand drawer. Blue’s call had interrupted his concentration on a plan to obtain some quick cash. Having just turned twenty-three, Billy was experiencing the bitter end of a two year run of beginner’s luck in the “fast lane.”
He’d missed two payments on his Benz, his landlord was on the verge of padlocking his apartment, he owed a substantial sum to a notoriously narrow-minded drug dealer, and he needed to raise bail money for all three of his girls, busted the previous night in police raids along the Sunset Strip.
But as he drove toward South Central to pick up his cousin, Billy’s attitude brightened considerably. If Blue said there was “big money” in whatever he had going, it was worth looking into.
When they arrived back at Billy’s building, Blue followed Billy to the elevator in the underground parking area.
“You must be doin’ alright, cuz,” said Blue, checking out the expensive cars parked beneath the security high-rise.
“I’ll be doin’ alright when I start owning buildings like this,” chuckled Billy.
Blue smiled. “That day might not be so far away, Billy Boy.”
The elevator ride delivered them to the eighth floor in seconds. Once inside the apartment, Billy performed a test on a sample from Blue’s package. Results from the chemical testing confirmed Blue’s taste test: the innocent looking white powder was indeed the most powerful grade of heroin either of them had ever seen. It could be cut ten times and still overdose a mule.
Blue and Billy slapped high fives and jumped around like two ball players that had just won the World Series. They popped a bottle of champagne from Billy's fridge and lifted a toast to "money, good times, and mo' money!"
The next morning Blue called Charlie Henry and told him he needed some time off. His mother, he said, was on her deathbed in Baytown, Texas and he would never be able to forgive himself if he wasn't there to help comfort her during her final days.
Blue didn’t like the idea of lying to the one person who had tried to help him build a new life—his mother had died after being shot in a bar when he was twelve years old—but when he thought about how he could make more in one day selling drugs than he could in a whole month working for Charlie Henry, he knew his decision to get back into the “fast lane” was a “no-brainer.”
Charlie Henry promised to hold Blue’s job for him as long as he could, and even offered to help with traveling expenses. Blue declined the offer.
Reflecting briefly on the long range plans Charlie Henry had for him, Blue convinced himself that working a regular job was just something he wasn’t cut out to do. He could do it long enough to get his parole officer to cut him some slack but that was about it. The streets were his real home.
He did call Charlie Henry one last time after a couple of weeks to tell him that his mother had died, to thank him for offering him the position, and to lie again. Blue told him that he had contracted hepatitis and wouldn’t be able to work in food service any time soon.
Within a few months of his last conversation with Charlie Henry, Blue had accomplished a high speed version of achieving the American Dream. With Billy handling most of the distribution end of their sixty-forty arrangement, Blue moved from the dingy rooming house to a beach front apartment in Venice and went from traveling via city buses and the “ankle express” to tooling around town in a brand new, powder blue Cadillac Coupe.
He had so many new clothes that he had to tell Billy to stop accepting the suits, leather jackets, slacks, shirts, etc. that junkies brought in lieu of cash for their daily fixes.
Blue kept up the rent on his room and used it as his permanent address. But he only stopped by occasionally to pick up what little mail he received.
And, as luck would have it, Blue’s overbearing parole officer was fired for soliciting sexual favors from females on his case load. The guy who replaced him was a hippy type that didn’t seem to care if Blue dropped off the face of the Earth.
As for Willie, Blue would meet him from time to time leaving school and give him several hundred dollar bills. He always told him to give the money to his foster mother and tell her he found it. But knowing Willie, Blue figured moms probably never saw a dime of the loot.
The only aspect of his life that he wasn’t able to put back together was his relationship with Shirley. She had completely squared up and seemed totally serious about her new life with the truck driver. She even refused the expensive gifts Blue had tested her with.
And although he enjoyed the company of countless females, he couldn’t quite get over the fact that he and Shirley would probably never be together again.
It was starting to register with Blue that there were some things his money couldn’t buy.
After nearly a year of the “good life” Blue started to get bored. And because of the larger volume of his business since he and Billy had started buying Persian dope from an Iranian connection, he found it increasingly more difficult to distinguish between his real friends and the people who were interested only in a free ride.
Another downer was the recurring nightmares that featured him being hunted down, arrested and sent back to prison.
To combat his episodes of depression, especially when he thought about his mom, Blue started trying to fill the empty spaces in his life with alcohol and larger doses of his own merchandise. He also became a regular at many of the favorite bars, strip joints, and hang-outs of the night life crowd.
And after one of his associates was robbed and murdered, Blue refused to go anywhere without his Colt .44 pistol. He knew it was an automatic trip back to jail if he ever got caught with it, but he figured he’d rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
Shortly after he started carrying the gun, while he and Billy waited in a Hollywood bar for Billy’s girls to bring in their nightly quota of cash, Blue got involved in a heated argument with another pimp over a game of pool. As the crowd of hustlers and their ladies closed in on the action, Blue seemed determined to start a fight.
Few people paid much attention to the square looking black dude and his girl-watching white companion sitting at the bar. Those that noticed them figured they were tricks or tourists, looking for a good time.
Blue and the other guy, Eddie from Detroit, faced each other from opposite sides of the brightly lit bar sized pool table.
“You gotta be crazy, sucka, if you think I’m payin’ you for that shot!” Eddie was a good three inches taller than Blue’s even six feet, and out-weighed him by at least thirty pounds.
“Look, man,” Blue shouted back. “Since you don’t seem to remember, we’re playin’ for fifty dollars a game and you just lost! So why don’t you give me my money before this bullshit gets out of hand!”
“You must think I’m some kinda chump or somethin’,” Eddie yelled. “I saw you touch the cue ball before you made the eight and, as far as I’m concerned, you owe me!
Sensing the explosiveness of the situation, Billy tried to pull Blue away from the table. “Come on, cuz. This ain’t about nothin’. Forget it… I’ll pay for the game.”
“Get out of the way, Billy!” Blue yelled, wrenching himself free from his cousin’s grasp. “This lyin’ bastard is gonna pay me what he owes me!”
In a burst of motion, Eddie flipped his pool cue and with both hands took a wild, overhand swing at Blue!
“Look out, Blue!” a woman screamed.
Blue jerked his head out of the way, but the weighted end of the stick landed solidly on his shoulder, knocking him to the floor.
Blocked by the crowds at both ends of the pool table, Eddie scrambled over the top to finish Blue off, realizing too late that this was a fight he would not win.
From the floor, Blue whipped out his revolver and fired, hitting the surprised Eddie three times before he fell on top of him.
Pandemonium broke out as screaming patrons bolted for the exits, turning over tables and chairs!
Billy rushed to his cousin’s side to help him get out from under the dead weight of the bleeding, twitching Eddie. “Come on, Blue!” he yelled. We gotta get out of here!”
Blue seemed to be in a daze as he stumbled to his feet.
“Let’s go!” Billy screamed. He thought Blue was behind him when he broke for the door.
But Blue didn’t follow him. “Where’s my hat?” he mumbled, searching frantically for his prized fedora.
“Blue, let’s go, man!” Billy shouted from the front door.
Blue seemed to snap out of his fog and started toward his cousin, without his hat.
Billy turned and ran for the car, determined to have it started and ready to roll when Blue got there.
But Blue never made it. Just before he reached the door, the casually dressed black man and his white partner jumped up from behind an overturned table.
“Freeze! Police!” they shouted, leveling their handguns at Blue’s back from across the floor.
Forgetting the gun in his hand, Blue turned abruptly, igniting a thunderous barrage from the cops’ guns that slammed him backwards through the open door.
Jimmy “Blue” Waters died on the sidewalk in front of the bar before the ambulance ever received the call.
Dedicated to my Texas homeboy, the late James "Slim" Lilly.
Photo by Idealistic Ambitions
The bright hot sun climbed slowly into a clear May sky, steaming the streets, the trees, and the lush green grass, still soaked from a predawn thunder shower. It would be another blistering day of spring heat along the Texas Gulf Coast—the kind of heat that, according to some, made everybody a little crazy.
High school sophomore, Adam Lee Jones, Jr., sitting at the kitchen table with his parents, toyed with a half-finished plate of grits and eggs and sausage.
“You alright, Junior?” Mary Jones leaned over the table and placed her palm over her son’s forehead.
“I’m okay, mom… just not too hungry.”
Adam Lee, Sr. washed down the last of his breakfast with a cup of strong dark coffee. The big black man leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest.
“You know, Junior,” he said. “If you go to that white school, them crackers ain’t gonna be babyin’ you like your mother, or looking out for you like the teachers you got over here.”
“Oh, come on, Adam Lee. Don’t start talkin’ like that again.” Mary Jones, still youthful and attractive at thirty-five, shared her husband’s outspoken temperament.
“I thought we agreed to leave the decision up to him.”
Adam Lee, Sr. brushed her objections aside. “That was before I knew he might really be willing to leave his friends at a school seven blocks away to go clear across town to a school where he might get lynched!”
“Why would you want to do that, Junior?” Adam Lee, Sr. tried and failed to make eye contact with his only child. “Do you think those white teachers are gonna be able to teach you better than the people who taught me and your mama?”
Adam Lee, Jr. shrugged. “No, dad, I don’t.”
“Then why would you want to go way over there? Did somebody talk you into this?”
The boy set his fork down and looked his father in the eye. “No, dad,” he said. “I’ve got my own reasons.”
Mary Jones came to her son’s rescue. “In case your memory’s fading, Adam Lee Jones, a lot of people have suffered so our son, and everybody else, can go to any school they choose. And if Junior is brave enough to be one of the first colored kids to go to Jeff Davis High, I think he ought to go.”
“But why does he have to break the ice?” Big Adam got up and started to pace. “I can understand the misfit kids transferring. They don’t have anything to lose. But Junior’s got a chance at a football or basketball scholarship.”
“He can play ball over there,” Mary countered.
“And how’s that gonna look?” Big Adam bellowed. “My only son, playin’ with the white boys against the team that me and all my friends played for!”
“If that’s gonna be a problem, dad, I don’t have to play sports. I’ll work hard and get academic scholarships.” Adam Lee, Jr. just wanted the arguing to stop.
“You mean you’d give up sports to go to a white school?” The frustrated father stared at his son, shaking his head. “You better think about what you’re doin’, Junior.”
“Let’s go, Mary Ann,” he said, stalking out of the kitchen. “We’ve got a business to run.”
Mary Jones hugged her son. “I think he’s just worried about something happening to you. So am I. But somebody’s got to lead the way. And I’m just thankful you’ve got that kind of courage. Lord knows it’s about time the colored kids started reaping the benefits of all the tax money we’ve spent on those fancy white schools.”
She kissed the boy’s cheek and started clearing the dishes from the table. “Don’t let your father intimidate you,” she said. “If you want him to sign your transfer, you’ll have to explain why you really want to go to that school. So think about it, okay?”
“I will, mom,” said Junior.
Adam Lee, Jr. gathered his school books and headed out the front door of the Jones’ modest home just as his parents were backing out of the driveway, on their way to another twelve hour day at Jones Dry Cleaners. Mother and son waved to each other. Mr. Jones kept his eyes trained on the rearview mirror.
Adam Lee, Jr. walked the two blocks up Carol Street to Columbus Boulevard deep in thought. He barely noticed the sweat starting to trickle down his neck into the collar of his freshly pressed shirt. The conversation with his father had caused him to wonder if he might be getting into something he didn’t fully understand. At Columbus, he turned left toward G.W. Carver High School, oblivious to friends waving from passing cars.
It was 1966. Mandatory school desegregation had come to Port Town, Texas like a deranged doctor—medicine in one hand, a gun in the other—determined to cure centuries of racism.
The Port Town Independent School District, faced with a cutoff of federal funds if their schools remained segregated, had hastily drawn up a plan that would allow every student to attend the school of their choice. Selection forms, passed out at every school on Monday, May 6th, had to be signed by a parent or guardian and turned in by Friday, May 10th. According to the plan, integrated classes would begin in the fall.
Over the years, by southern standards, the white leadership of Port Town had maintained good relations with the “nigra community.” Some said it was because the colored people worked hard and didn’t cause trouble. But the old timers said it was because colored folks in Texas had a long history of “shootin’ back!”
Whatever the reason, the Negroes of Port Town, unlike most blacks in the south, enjoyed a relatively high standard of living. Jobs in oil refineries, commercial fishing, and the shipping industry combined with decent schools, strong churches, and easy financing for homes and cars to create a stable, prosperous environment.
Except for the occasional case of police brutality, or the rare instance of a cross burning, the coloreds and whites in Port Town had always gotten along by ignoring each other as much as possible.
Now there were monumental changes stirring in the hot, sticky air. Rumors buzzed like mosquitoes, stinging a lot of ears: “The Klan was calling for a big rally in nearby Harper’s Bayou… Colored people who sent their kids to white schools would lose their jobs… Gun shops were selling out of guns and ammunition… The President was sending in the National Guard.”
Local, County, and State officials, fearing the disruption of business a race riot would cause, pleaded with everybody via newspapers, radio, and tv to help make the transition from the old to the new a smooth one. Law enforcement officials promised swift arrests and prosecutions for those who attempted to defy the law.
Until the announcement by the School Board the previous week, nobody believed the local schools would be desegregated anytime soon. The white people of southeast Texas, descendents of rebels who continued to battle the Union Army and Navy long after the rest of the Confederacy had surrendered, had been expected to fight Washington for years on the school issue.
But now it was Thursday, May 9th and Adam Lee, Jr. had only one more day to make up his mind about transferring.
“Adam Lee, wait up!” Terrell Jones was attempting to cross Columbus in the middle of the block. Taking advantage of what looked like a break in traffic, the stocky Terrell bolted from between two parked cars, head down, clutching a book under his arm, stiff-arming imaginary tacklers.
“Terrell!” Adam Lee yelled. But it was too late to stop him.
The old white man hit the brakes hard, forcing his battered pickup to a screeching, tire-smoking stop!
Terrell made it across safely, leaped onto the curb next to his cousin, did a little dance, and held both arms up in the football signal for a touchdown.
“Crazy nigger!” the old man screamed as he roared off in the truck.
“Yuh mama!” Terrell yelled back, shaking his fist in the air.
“You tryin’ to get killed?” Adam Lee’s dark brown face showed little trace of the panic his cousin’s antics had caused.
“I’m too fast for ‘em,” Terrell replied, taking longer strides to match the taller boy’s gait. “The white folks will get you way before they get me if you go to their school and start messin’ around with their daughters.”
“Look, if I do decide to go to Jeff Davis, it won’t be to chase white girls.” Adam Lee struggled to hide his frustration.
“Is your daddy gonna sign the papers?” Terrell asked.
Adam Lee hesitated. “I… I don’t know. I think he will if I can come up with a good enough reason to transfer.”
Terrell puffed up his chest. “My old man says he’d never send his kids somewhere they wasn’t welcome. He says most of the people who put their kids in the white schools are gonna be the ones who think they’re better than the rest of the colored folks.”
“Your dad’s entitled to his opinion. Just like everybody else that thinks we shouldn’t be allowed to take advantage of opportunities our parents helped create.”
Nothing he’d learned about the Civil Rights movement had prepared Adam Lee for black opposition to desegregation.
“What do you think, Terrell? You’re telling me what your daddy says, but what do you have to say about us gettin’ what we should have had a long time ago?”
“I just don’t understand why you would even think about leaving Carver and all the people we grew up with,” replied Terrell. “You’ve got it made over here! And I just can’t see why you’d give it all up to go and get mistreated by a bunch of red neck honkies. And besides that, I was lookin’ forward to us movin’ up to the varsity squad this season and kickin’ some more butt together.”
“But somebody’s got to go,” Adam Lee replied. “How else are we gonna keep the door open?”
Terrell was unimpressed. “What are you talkin’ about?”
Adam Lee continued, gaining momentum as he spoke. “Suppose none of us took ‘em up on the chance to get an equal education? The next thing you know, white folks are gonna be saying we’re scared to compete, or that we know our place, or that we’re satisfied with them spending twice as much on the white schools as they do on ours.”
“Who gives a damn what white folks think?” Terrell snapped. “I sure don’t! And how come you never showed no interest in all this civil rights stuff before Evon came to town?”
“That’s not true!” Adam Lee protested. “I’ve been reading everything I can get my hands on about the movement ever since President Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act. The only reason I never talked to you about it is because I know you don’t care.
Terrell looked at the boy walking next to him curiously. “You better wake up, man,” he said. “That civil rights crap is a waste of time. My dad says ain’t none of them civil rights leaders got a refinery for us to work at, or a ship to work on. And goin’ to that white school ain’t gonna make you no better off than the rest of us, Adam Lee. You’ll never be President of the United States because, to the honkies, no matter how educated you get, you’ll always be just another nigger.”
“I don’t think you understand,” said Adam Lee.
“I guess I don’t,” Terrell shot back.
The two boys walked the rest of the way to school in silence, each feeling a sudden strain on a relationship that had kept them close for as long as either of them could remember.
As they crossed onto the crowded campus of G.W. Carver High, the Temptations crooned “My Girl” through the speakers of several little transistor radios, all tuned to KJET, the only colored station in the county.
Adam Lee spotted Evon getting out of her father’s new Buick and started over to meet her. “Catch you later,” he mumbled to Terrell.
“Yeah, right,” Terrell responded, turning toward the big oak tree where the jocks hung out.
Evon Johnson was the first girl Adam Lee had ever seen in person with an Afro hairstyle. Her family had recently relocated from Houston when her father became the first Negro assistant manager at TexiCal’s Port Town oil refinery. The baby sister of two activist brothers attending Texas Southern University, she insisted on being referred to as Afro-American or Black instead of colored or Negro.
“What’s the matter?” Adam Lee could tell something wasn’t right with his girl.
Evon sighed as her shoulders slumped. “It looks like I won’t be transferring to Jeff Davis,” she said.
“Why not?” Adam Lee couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Evon avoided his eyes. “My parents are scared,” she confessed. “I know they said I could go if I wanted to, but now my father says he’s worried about what might happen to the kids that go to the white schools.
Adam Lee had expected more backbone from a man like Charles Johnson. “Do you think they pressured him at work?”
“No, I think he’s just really nervous about what might happen. I heard him talking to my mom about what he’d seen the Klan do to Black people when he was a boy in Alabama, and he said he just didn’t want me to be a part of the first group going to a white school."
Adam Lee was extremely disappointed. Being the new girl’s boyfriend had continued to prove costly. Her radical statements about the plight of Black people, while fascinating to Adam Lee, had alienated her from most of Carver’s complacent students. And ever since he’d broken up with the ever popular Carmen, his girlfriend since 7th grade, to be with Evon, a lot of his friends said Evon must have worked a mojo on him. Then he’d suffered a black eye in a fight with an older boy who called Evon a "brillo head bitch."
Now he figured he’d look like a fool if he backed out of the transfer just because she couldn’t go.
“You’re not still going, are you?” Evon searched Adam Lee’s eyes for clues.
“I don’t know yet,” he replied, looking away.
The loud school bell saved him from having to come up with a more definitive answer.
The school day seemed to last forever. Each class got progressively hotter and muggier as the temperature soared into the high nineties.
And by the last bell, Adam Lee had spoken with several students who, like Evon, said they’d changed their minds about transferring to Jeff Davis High. Fear, he guessed, was the common denominator—fear of being labeled a traitor by their own people, and/or the fear of becoming a victim of white violence.
With football practice cancelled due to the heat, Adam Lee caught a city bus and headed for the main library downtown to see if he could find a book he needed for his final biology paper of the semester.
The recently integrated main library was impressive, more like a cathedral than a library, and at least ten times the size of the colored library.
Finding the aisle he needed, Adam Lee browsed the massive bookshelves until his search was interrupted by a hushed-tone conversation between two men on the next aisle. The topic of discussion was the school integration plan.
Adam Lee held his breath, listening intently.
“It’s the best thing that could’ve happened, if you ask me,” one of the men drawled.
“What’re ya sayin’, Bob?” the other man asked. “You think it’s a good idea to let the niggers in our schools?
“Hell yeah!” replied the first man. “It’ll give us the chance to show the whole world, once and for all, that these poor little nigger children just cain’t keep up with our kids! And besides bein’ lazy and just plain dim-witted, they’ve been usin’ our outdated books ever since we opened their first school.”
“And what does any of that mean?” asked the second man, seeming a little confused.
“Hell, ain’t you got a brain, Jimmy Joe?” the first man chuckled. “They’ll last about as long as a fart in a windstorm. And their mammies will be so ashamed over the way they’re failin’, they’ll pull the little monkeys back to the nigger schools so fast, it’ll make your head spin!”
Both men erupted with uncontrollable laughter, punctuated by hacking coughs.
“Maybe you’re right, Bob,” the second man sighed. “Maybe you’re right.”
Stung by their words, Adam Lee straightened up to his full height and walked around to the aisle where the men were standing.
The sudden appearance of the six foot Negro at the end of the aisle, brilliantly backlit by sunlight beaming through a large window, startled the men into silence.
The fragile, gray-haired librarian, coming over to shush the good ole boys shuffled up behind the men, stopping short when she too became transfixed by the glowing image at the other end of the aisle.
“Is there a problem here?” she asked, her watery blue eyes darting nervously from the men to the boy.
As soon as Adam Lee took a step toward them, all three abandoned the aisle. Without saying a word, the angry young man stormed passed other library customers and out of the building.
But something wouldn’t let him leave. He paced in front of the main entrance, hoping the scrawny little men would come out. Incensed, their wheezing laughter still ringing in his ears, he wanted to smash their faces with his fists, rub their noses in the dirt…
Suddenly, a black and white patrol car raced around the corner and slid to a stop right in front of Adam Lee!
“That’s him right there!” The librarian, backed up by the two men and several other library patrons, stood in the doorway of the main entrance brandishing a baseball bat.
The big burly cop kept his eyes on the menacing Negro as he stepped up onto the sidewalk. “You got a problem, boy?” he asked, slapping a huge nightstick into the palm of his beefy hand.
The advancing policeman brought Adam Lee to his senses, triggering survival instincts he’d inherited along with his skin color.
“I… uh… I was just upset with myself, officer… for forgettin’ the name of the book my teacher told me to get,” he stammered, faking a smile.
“You sure that’s all it is?” The cop moved into striking range. “These folks said you was actin’ kind of funny around here.”
“Yassuh, that’s all it is,” replied Adam Lee. “Sometime I get so mad at myself when I forget somethin’ I bump my head against the wall trying to remember.”
“Yeah, well it’s gettin’ kinda late for you to be on this side of town,” the sweaty officer growled, eyeing Adam Lee warily. “I think you’d better start headin’ on home.”
“Yassuh,” Adam Lee replied. “I think you right. I best be headin’ for the other side of the tracks.”
Just as Adam Lee turned and started walking toward the Westside, the cop’s command stopped him.
“Not so fast!” the cop barked. Again he walked to within a few feet of the boy. “I want to get a good look at you, because if I see you up here actin’ a fool again, I’m gonna haul your black ass off to jail. You got that?”
“Yassuh… yassuh,” the nervous boy blurted.
Adam Lee almost ran the entire three miles to Evon’s house. His anger had returned and with it a deep sense of shame over the way he’d resorted to acting like an Uncle Tom to avoid a beating.
As he rang the doorbell, he wondered what he might have done if the cop hadn’t shown up.
“Hi Adam Lee.” Evon came out onto the porch. “My parents aren’t home yet so I can’t invite you in.”
“That’s okay,” he said sternly. “I just came by to tell you I’ve made up my mind. If my dad signs the transfer, I’m gonna go to Jeff Davis in the fall.”
Evon was shocked. “You mean you’d leave me at Carver by myself, knowing that just about everybody there hates me? How could you do that?”
“It’s something I’ve got to do, Evon. I’m sorry, but it’s something I’ve just got to do.
Adam Lee told Evon about his encounter with the men at the library. He told her he was determined to prove them wrong by maintaining his honor roll status at the white school, no matter how hard it might get.
By the time Adam Lee finished talking, Evon realized that he was totally committed to his mission.
“I just wish you’d wait until next year,” she said. “It could be dangerous.”
“I can’t wait another year,” he replied. “If my father signs the paperwork, I’ll be at Jeff Davis in September, even if I have to go there alone.”
That evening at the dinner table it was apparent to Big Adam and Mary Jones that their son’s appetite had definitely returned to normal. They looked on in wonder as he started on his second helping of smothered steak, collard greens, red beans and rice, and yams.
Mary, having come home early from the cleaners to cook supper, was happy to see her boy acting like his old self again.
Adam Lee, Sr. watched his son make short work of the pile of food, remembering a time when he too could eat as much as he wanted without gaining a pound.
“You better not get too fat and out of shape, Junior,” he said. “There’s probably gonna be a lot of white boys at that school that want to see what you’re made of.”
Adam Lee looked up from his plate. “Does that mean I can go?”
“Is it what you really want to do, son?” Big Adam’s tone was serious.
“It’s something I’ve got to do, dad. You’ve always taught me that white folks are no better than we are. But I don’t want to go through life not knowing for sure. And the only way I’ll ever find out is if I get the chance to compete with them up close, on an equal level.”
Knowing how close he’d come to going to jail that day, Adam Lee, Jr. never mentioned the incident at the library.
Mary Jones sat down and looked her son in the eye. “Are you trying to prove something to yourself, Junior, or someone else?”
“Both, mom,” the boy replied. “Because when I prove what I’m capable of achieving to myself, it’ll help other black people to see that if I can do it, they can too, and that we are just as good as anybody else when we do our best.
“Then it’s settled,” announced Big Adam. "Your mother and I will stand behind you one hundred per cent."
Later that evening father and son sat on the front porch, cooling off with tall glasses of ice cold lemonade. The night air was still warm and humid.
“I hope you’ll forgive me for some of the crazy things I said this morning, son.” Adam Lee, Sr. paused before continuing. “I guess the fear of something happenin’ to you at that school had me lookin’ for any excuse to keep you from goin’. Sometimes change is hard to accept, but we can’t move forward if we’re always lookin’ backwards. So if you want to play sports at Jeff Davis, I’ll root for you and your team at every game.”
“Thanks, dad,” said Adam Lee, Jr. “That means a lot to me. Maybe I’ll play the second year. I want to put all my energy into studying the first year.”
Mary Jones came out onto the porch with refills of her sweeter than honey, homemade lemonade. “Your father went to see Sheriff Clark today to make sure the police are going to provide adequate protection for the colored kids. Mr. Johnson, the new manager at Texical, was there for the same reason. He said he’s decided to let his daughter transfer too.”
“Alright!” shouted Adam Lee, Jr. He set down his lemonade and raced to the phone.
Mr. and Mrs. Jones smiled. They were not surprised by their son’s reaction.
Most of the Black community eventually came to recognize the significance of school integration and rallied to support the students that would represent them in the desegregated classrooms.
Congregations prayed for the children’s safety, car pools were organized, and school supplies were donated to needy students. And the white people of Port Town proved themselves again to be different from their southern brethren. Aside from a few arrests for failure to disperse during the first week of classes, and some isolated incidents of name calling, most of them characterized school desegregation as “no big deal.”
The children, with the exception of a handful of fistfights, turned out to be more curious about each other than hostile.
Both Adam Lee Jones, Jr. and Evon Johnson graduated from Jefferson Davis High School with honors in 1968. Neither participated in inter-scholastic sports.
© 2016 Paul Howard Nicholas
